WHEREAS, the 88th annual meeting of the American Society of Mammalogists was held at South Dakota State University, Brookings, South Dakota (where life is sweet... and the wine is even sweeter), 21–25 June 2008; and
WHEREAS, President Timm requested that the Resolutions Committee shorten the host resolution this year, so the Committee recruited a presenter that might make President Timm think twice before criticizing them again; and
WHEREAS, we commend the local government of Brookings, South Dakota, for saving taxpayer dollars by using an extension cord to plug the local street lights into the corner tavern; and
WHEREAS, Jon Jenks' proposal for using camels to shuttle mammalogists from the airport to SDSU was a crushing failure; and
WHEREAS, the proposed podcasts of ASM board meetings and virtual meetings could be a real source of new revenue for the Society… if we sold them as a sure cure for insomnia; and
WHEREAS, Katherine Thorington taught us that flying squirrels prefer to overwinter with relatives, and subsequently, we hear that the Thorington’s will be looking to move into a new nest box this winter; Haley Lanier's talk about relaxed molecular clocks lead to their immediate adoption and use in the Members' Meeting, which now operates on a geological time scale; Gerald Carter taught us that if we are lucky, antiphonal exchanges might lead to serious French kissing; Paul Velazco taught us that even flying mammals like bats can leave their evolutionary footprints across South America; and Justin Boyles tried to make us believe that some blue and purple ink blots were really hibernating bats, and that group roosting in the winter can lead to some hot bats and an Arousal Hypothesis that doesn't involve Viagra; and
WHEREAS, we learned that Peter Weigl is recording a new book on tape called “Last Curmudgeon in the Woods” that will be suitable for downloading into your ipod so you can listen to it while jogging; and
WHEREAS, Dr. Allen Track presented a talk, coauthored by his brother Fast Track, that disproved the hypothesized existence of “Ed Heske” and noted that his staff included me, myself, I, and someone named Grim, all of whom were drawing editorial stipends; and
WHEREAS, we learned from Chip Leslie that we had 164 late Mammalian Species accounts, but afterwards learned that he was first author on 162 of them; and
WHEREAS, the ASM job board indicates that the Illinois Natural History Survey is now hiring an aardvark biologist to balance out all those bat and rat papers dominating the Journal, and the Journal will be seeking yet another AE to specialize in handling aardvark papers; and
WHEREAS, we thank Jon Jenks for shaving and posing for a portrait for the ASM poster “A face only a mammalogist could love;” and
WHEREAS, Hugh Genoways gave us bylaws that address rules and rules that address bylaws, except on alternate Sundays, months that include the letter “r,” leap years, the 4th of July, and blue moons; and
WHEREAS, Mike Mares will be making an effort to further revise the ASM bylaws and rules to expedite future meetings for President McLaren with 2 simple sections: 1) do what Hugh tells me, and 2) as long as Don Wilson says it's in order, or not in order, or in order, or out of order, or no, wait, in order, really…; and
WHEREAS, we were surprised to learn that the bonding of our Trustees was not something we had to post to get them out of jail; and
WHEREAS, President Timm informed the incoming President-Elect that his new position would require a 24-7 commitment, despite the fact that he artfully spent his 2-yr term as president in Costa Rica where he was among the 20% of members unable to vote electronically; and
WHEREAS, the local committee cleverly got around the local alcohol regulations by having 1 keg of beer and 3 kegs of foam, and labeling all of them as some form of mammalian effluent; and
WHEREAS, Christy McCain changed the name of Breakfast with a Scientist to Meal with a Mammalogist to avoid the alternate name, Hangover with a Mammalogist; and
WHEREAS, many mammalogists showed up at Skinner's Pub with their field kits, prepared to demonstrate their skills making voucher specimens, only to find that the Local Committee had also adopted that relaxed molecular clock and geologic time scale for getting people to the food and beverages; and
WHEREAS, we commend Scott Pedersen – aka James Carville II – for his pursuit of science, but the Asinology beer study won't be able to be published in the Journal of Mammalogy because he did not have an approved animal care and use protocol, although any study involving beer probably met guidelines approved by the ASM; and
WHEREAS, we wonder if repeated exposure to bright flashes is now an approved interrogation technique, or the officers of ASM just wanted to blind us so we could not find the exits and would have to stay for the 2nd Members' Meeting; and
WHEREAS, the members of ASM bestowed their highest honor, election to Honorary Member status, on Dr. Alfredo Langguth, Dr. Tom Kunz, and Dr. Terry Yates; and we were eloquently reminded how much Terry's memory, generosity, and legacy will remain with us for years and years to come; and
WHEREAS, we all enjoyed the beautiful weather, abundant food and drink, stimulating scientific presentations, and daily dawn choruses by scampering Richardson's ground squirrels;
THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that the American Society of Mammalogists meeting at their 88th Annual Meeting at South Dakota State University, Brookings, South Dakota, 21–25 June 2008, provides our heartfelt thanks to Jon Jenks, Gail Jenks, Scott Pedersen, Bob Klaver, Dave Knutson, Amy Lewis, Dan Thompson, and the rest of the Local Committee, as well as Carol Jacobson, Terry Simons, and Di Drake for all of their hard work and dedication in hosting a tremendously successful and rewarding scientific meeting. We also thank the Brookings Chamber of Commerce and a friend of Wildlife & Fisheries Sciences for the wonderful Bison.